Podium
Hello everyone (o hypothetical ones!) and welcome to my stage. My name is Vivian and I am a transgendered MtF woman. I live around the the city of Atlanta, Georgia (that's in the USA, mind you) and have been here for around three years.
I have been "coming out" to myself and others about my TGness for two of those years now and I feel like I should be getting used to be treated as The Utmost Freaker and Object of Sheer Disgust by people around me, but I haven't. Recently I just had to quit a martial arts class I had been taking for a while because of it. Some people just can't hold their arsenic, right? No, they have to shoot you with their looks and burn you with their gestures. And you can just feel them basking in their light of societal acceptance, as if you're not only wrong but stupid for ditching macho ways for your own.
Anyway, welcome to my blog. It won't be always like this (I think). Or maybe yes. The whole purpose of this is to share what I think and feel with whoever wants to listen, and find others like me in the process.
Like I was saying, I've been coming out for a couple of years now. You must be wondering what all this "coming out to myself" talk means; because, come on, don't you just "come out" to others? Whether you're a Queer Language major or have barely brushed with the world of alternate gender expression/sexuality you know what "coming out" means. But it is mostly an internal process. We don't come out for others, we do it for ourselves, to set in motion the gears of the real us. To find our face among the bushes. Myself, I've been coming out slowly but surely in these two years, accepting and understanding what I am and where I'm headed.
The first thing that set me in motion was finding out that there were crossdressers and guys who felt like girls (or simply more feminine) in the world. You see, I come from a very repressed childhood and terrible adolescence and had always felt like I was caged in a place from where I could never move, a being of ether forced into bruteness and mud. It took that single piece of knowledge for my feelings to breach the wall, and then all hell broke loose in my life... literally. I left the place where I'd been born and raised, I left the people from whom I'd been born and who'd raised me, and cast my eyes towards the wide horizon. It's funny, actually, but what cast me away from house and lord was not my TGness, but all the thoughts its awareness raised.
It all came into perspective for the first time in my life, a puzzle that suddenly pieces itself together, a large canvas which I am still discovering and which doesn't cease to amaze me. It was sad too of course, very, very sad, but I'm encouraged now to live the real me for the rest of my life. I'm 25, so that should be a long time!
Welcome, then, to my blog again. That's thrice I've welcomed you, for three is not only the most magic of numbers, but also my birthday! If you will, go explore the rest of the world now, but stay tuned for the next post... :D
I have been "coming out" to myself and others about my TGness for two of those years now and I feel like I should be getting used to be treated as The Utmost Freaker and Object of Sheer Disgust by people around me, but I haven't. Recently I just had to quit a martial arts class I had been taking for a while because of it. Some people just can't hold their arsenic, right? No, they have to shoot you with their looks and burn you with their gestures. And you can just feel them basking in their light of societal acceptance, as if you're not only wrong but stupid for ditching macho ways for your own.
Anyway, welcome to my blog. It won't be always like this (I think). Or maybe yes. The whole purpose of this is to share what I think and feel with whoever wants to listen, and find others like me in the process.
Like I was saying, I've been coming out for a couple of years now. You must be wondering what all this "coming out to myself" talk means; because, come on, don't you just "come out" to others? Whether you're a Queer Language major or have barely brushed with the world of alternate gender expression/sexuality you know what "coming out" means. But it is mostly an internal process. We don't come out for others, we do it for ourselves, to set in motion the gears of the real us. To find our face among the bushes. Myself, I've been coming out slowly but surely in these two years, accepting and understanding what I am and where I'm headed.
The first thing that set me in motion was finding out that there were crossdressers and guys who felt like girls (or simply more feminine) in the world. You see, I come from a very repressed childhood and terrible adolescence and had always felt like I was caged in a place from where I could never move, a being of ether forced into bruteness and mud. It took that single piece of knowledge for my feelings to breach the wall, and then all hell broke loose in my life... literally. I left the place where I'd been born and raised, I left the people from whom I'd been born and who'd raised me, and cast my eyes towards the wide horizon. It's funny, actually, but what cast me away from house and lord was not my TGness, but all the thoughts its awareness raised.
It all came into perspective for the first time in my life, a puzzle that suddenly pieces itself together, a large canvas which I am still discovering and which doesn't cease to amaze me. It was sad too of course, very, very sad, but I'm encouraged now to live the real me for the rest of my life. I'm 25, so that should be a long time!
Welcome, then, to my blog again. That's thrice I've welcomed you, for three is not only the most magic of numbers, but also my birthday! If you will, go explore the rest of the world now, but stay tuned for the next post... :D
posted by V. at 7:28 PM
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