afraid of all ghosts

I'm kind of depressed. I feel that the first part of my life was largely wasted by the place I was raised in and my family. I was never supported the right way (or much in anything), the way which could have made my life better now. Parenting, that is another word for guidance.
If someone had cared back then to look beyond their own ideas I could have come to terms with the things which bothered me my whole life. My TGness would have been way advanced if my mother had just once been the guide I so much sought. So much heartache and doubt forever removed. Sometimes I think I'd benefit of a procedure like the one in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'd have my parents erased, the memory replaced with benevolent icons who died tragically in a car crash.
My mother the village idiot, my father the stone-cold bastard, my stepfather the man in the iron mask. They never cared. If someone had cared I wouldn't be so scarred now with so much sadness. No, no; I could be teaching Literature or Philosophy, or I could be a great writer! I have well in my mind the constant problems that being discarded by those assigned to protect you brings. And money, which no one ever gave me beyond basic needs. How am I ever going to be in the same universe as a $30.000 Ousterhaut FFS? Oh yeah, it's not something you really NEED to live, but then again Epicurus says you don't really NEED to drink wine when water would do fine right?