crunch
These days have been getting progressively harder as they go by.
My job may be gone in less than two months, my partner and I are going through rocky roads and today... my shamble of a car broke down. And I was supposed to get my face lasered very soon, something which will so obviously not happen soon now. I'm a bit depressed by this, I hate my beard and all the things it brings (clocking, rashes, ingrown hairs, heaviness of the face, etc... brr!) but I must pull together and find a new job. Ideally, I'd love to find a job where I could express my gender variance but now any job which isn't too masculine (I couldn't stand one like that) will do.
I need to zap my facial hair, get a new car, get a new job and not lose my living standard in the process. All without any credit or monetary help. Looks hard. If I could get an IT job it'd be great.
Meanwhile, my transition goes on. My breasts keep on growing and changing and look now like (i believe) nice and large Tanner IIs. The best thing my mother gave me? Her breast genes ;) I'm also working everyday a bit on my voice and it's making a difference I think. Something I do find a bit alarming though is the fact that I'm hardly writing at all, something I thought would come back swiftly when my maleness was evicted. Anyway, I still have a "silent" depression over the fact that I lost everything I've written all my life when my hard drive expired. Stupidity, lack of backups, yes, and it hurts more because of that.
Anyway, it's going to get hard soon so I better find me something to do in the way of moneymaking and breadwinning. I shudder to think that I'd have to leave my hormones even if for a little time.
My job may be gone in less than two months, my partner and I are going through rocky roads and today... my shamble of a car broke down. And I was supposed to get my face lasered very soon, something which will so obviously not happen soon now. I'm a bit depressed by this, I hate my beard and all the things it brings (clocking, rashes, ingrown hairs, heaviness of the face, etc... brr!) but I must pull together and find a new job. Ideally, I'd love to find a job where I could express my gender variance but now any job which isn't too masculine (I couldn't stand one like that) will do.
I need to zap my facial hair, get a new car, get a new job and not lose my living standard in the process. All without any credit or monetary help. Looks hard. If I could get an IT job it'd be great.
Meanwhile, my transition goes on. My breasts keep on growing and changing and look now like (i believe) nice and large Tanner IIs. The best thing my mother gave me? Her breast genes ;) I'm also working everyday a bit on my voice and it's making a difference I think. Something I do find a bit alarming though is the fact that I'm hardly writing at all, something I thought would come back swiftly when my maleness was evicted. Anyway, I still have a "silent" depression over the fact that I lost everything I've written all my life when my hard drive expired. Stupidity, lack of backups, yes, and it hurts more because of that.
Anyway, it's going to get hard soon so I better find me something to do in the way of moneymaking and breadwinning. I shudder to think that I'd have to leave my hormones even if for a little time.
posted by V. at 4:48 PM
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