pudgy?!

Here I am... struggling with myself for the resolve to go to the gym. I'm not fat, but I've gotten kind of pudgy this passing winter of hormone-induced reshaping.
And I can't. I can't go more than once every three weeks or so. Pretty bad, I know.

Probably the fact that I pass about 95% or more of the time has made me comfy in my fat :) Or that I am considered attractive by a considerable group of people, men and women. Very cute men and women... btw.

Ok wait... that was HISTORIC. Recap.

Close to 100% passing? (with my work uniform I still pass pretty good, but it decreases my chances)
People who think I'm attractive and sexy and who don't see me as anything else than a a woman?

Batman you shay?? :D

And what about this one? About 3 weeks ago I went out with a guy for the first time in my life! Is it me, is this Vivian... isn't all that the stuff of dreams? Despite the drier legal aspects I am a woman to the world!

I started blogging here last year in June... only three months after starting hormones. I was 16 pounds lighter (ouch) but also didn't have a semblance of the feminine appearance I have now. Thanks hormones. Thanks job for letting me afford facial hair removal.

man...! I fell asleep writing while laying here on my bed! I'm gone to see Mr and Mrs. Smith with my roommate! :)

Angeles

Angeles
Originally uploaded by firebee.

She's my niece and I adore her. We were celebrating her 3rd birthday at a Chuck E. Cheese's and I was clicking like crazy... only to find 90% of the pics were *seriously* out of focus. Oh well, at least a couple turned out ok in an artistic sort of way :P
And no, she's not asian ;)

Miss Independent

I don't like Kelly Clarkson's stuff but I think "Miss Independent" is not a bad song (I consider myself to be like that a little bit, heh :P); the music wasn't bad, she sings ok in a Mariah-Careyish way, but it's still really light and merely "entertaining" as a friend would put it ;)
That without mentioning the video, which sucked totally.
The Hani Radio Mix of that song is a lot like the song I'd have liked "Miss Independent" to be. It's totally house but with touches of good electronica, as in the fact that it still feels like a real song and not just dance fodder.

So hello! ^.^ It's been a while again since I wrote something here and interesting stuff has been happening.
I went through a bad patch again of depressive feelings... not outright depression like last time but feeling pretty helpless and hopeless. Thankfully, little things almost everyday helped cheer me up. Like the fact that on the phone I'm automatically ma'amed and/or thought of as female without even trying a single bit. Also, the same happens 90-98% of the time I'm out with people. My worst times are those close to or right after laser when I have a shadow and it brings out male details to my face which I really *don't* need and *don't* want. Besides, to put it simply, when I have the shadow on my face I look like a woman with an ugly black skin condition. Even if I pass, I look terrible and I don't like that.

Another life-saver has been my family. My found family not my blood relations: D., N., S., and the children A., T. and K. Their love is my support everyday. Funny how I could never have enjoyed their love if I hadn't transitioned and been able to appreciate it.